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When I went to college at the University of the Philippines, I knew it was a huge transition from high school.  My four years of high school was about spending time with friends and having fun! But there was also a ”transition” within my spirit as I started to ask myself questions like “What is my purpose in life?”, “Where am I going when I die?”, “Is life just all about acquiring a college degree, find a nice job, get married, have children, and then what??” I would spend some sleepless nights, staring into the ceiling of my room, trying to find answers to my questions. It did not help that I was enrolled in a university where I was quite tantalized with new and novel ideas, concepts and theories of man and society. I begun to believe that we are a creation of how and what society defines us. 

I started attending the Campus Crusade of Christ as I needed a place to belong. I went to the Bible studies and met some really nice born-again Christians. However, my spirit resisted the idea that I needed a God to save me!!  During that time, I clung to the belief that: I am the Master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul. Eventually, I started hiding from them and made up excuses why I cannot attend the Bible studies anymore.

In my second year in college, I met Malou, she was a born-again Christian  who eventually became my close friend. She would always talk about Jesus Christ and how He changed her life. I knew she came from not a rich family, but there was something different about her, a sense of contentment and peace that I knew that I did not have. I would listen to her with interest, but my heart was as hard as stone that I simply cannot believe in God! Still, the gnawing pain in my heart continues, it is not a physical pain, but there was such emptiness and longing. I knew that in a way that the Lord was `chasing`me but I kept evading Him! I was like this person who was running in circles but not getting anywhere.

In my last year of college, I had this huge dilemma that I was faced with. I was a candidate to graduate Cum Laude (with honors) which was a coveted thing in my school, but because of a technicality I cannot graduate with honors. I had to face a committee and plead for my case, and write them a letter to justify why I should graduate a Cum Laude. Having no other option, I dared God and told Him that I will believe that there is God if He granted me my Cum Laude!!! In His wisdom, He did not! I was so dejected and said, “Well, there is no God after all because if there is, He would have answered my prayer.”

That was not to be the end of it! My friend persisted in inviting me to attend their church and I thought I would give it a try. Sunday after Sunday, I would sit in the pew and I can almost hear the Holy Spirit knocking at the door of my heart, but I kept resisting the Holy Spirit. One Sunday, the Pastor preached about Jonah who was told by the Lord to go to Nineveh but instead run away from God. I felt like I was Jonah who kept running away from the Lord! That fine day in August so many years go, I came to the foot of the cross, humbled myself and invited Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour.

Truly, in the heart of every man is a God shaped vacuum that only Jesus Christ can fill!

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