“Truth is I Cry Every Night”
This article appeared on the May 10th, 2009 edition of the Calgary Sun. It is an update on the story of the former Arcelie Laoagan
MANILA — Nothing can take away the pain Alvin Laoagan feels after years of longing to be reunited with his mom.
He was barely a teenager when his mom Arcelie Laoagan left and joined a flock of Filipino workers abroad in search of opportunities to provide their families a better life.
Every night before Alvin goes to bed, he sheds tears of sorrow remembering his mom who will never come back.
It’s been more than a year since 40-year-old Arcelie, a hard-working Filipino immigrant, was viciously murdered behind a Calgary church.
But for her family, the pain of such a tragedy has not ebbed at all.
“The truth is, I cry every night,” a tearful Alvin, speaking in Tagalog, the most widely spoken of the Philippine languages, said in an exclusive interview with the Sun.
Talking about the experience of losing his mom was painful for the 19-year-old, who last saw his mother alive as a young teen.
He looked like he was going to break to tears with just the mention of his mother’s name.
“It’s really difficult,” said the shy and timid young man.
“I don’t know how to describe the pain I feel,” he said sitting on a bench at a dental clinic owned by his mom’s younger sister Dr. Lee-Anne Unciano.
For a stretch of several minutes Alvin was quiet and said nothing.
He stared at the floor and the ceiling, occasionally biting his lips.
Unciano cajoled him to share his feelings, but the young man was reluctant and politely insisted he felt uncomfortable.
He fidgeted as he listened to his aunt.
Although the clinic was air-conditioned, Alvin was sweating.
“Do it for your mom,” said her aunt.
That seemed to be the key to a box of emotion he’d been keeping a lid on for a long time.
Once he gathered strength and steeled himself, he forced a smile, as if embarrassed that he wasn’t able to share how he felt about the whole experience.
He finally opened up and recalled receiving the call from her relatives in Calgary, breaking the tragic news.
“Everything seemed to have turned dark,” he said.
At that time he was still living with his dad and siblings in Sta. Cruz, Ilocos Sur, about 280 km north of Manila.
The whole family was struck not only with deep pain, shock and horror — they were also gripped by an uncertain future because the family’s sole bread winner was gone.
But Alvin says the most painful truth for them is his mom is never coming back.
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Like many Filipino families, one or both parents try their luck in securing jobs abroad, where they say opportunities are greater.
In 2007, more than 1.3-million Filipinos worked on contracts abroad, says the Philippine Overseas Employment Administration, a government agency that overlooks the workers.
Offshore workers and the money they send home are a huge part of the Philippine economy.
In spite of the growing list of tragedies met by the workers, such as murder, sexual assault, discrimination, unfair labour conditions, among others, thousands of them leave their families in search of fortune in foreign lands every year.
They work as nannies, care- givers, house maids, hotel attendants, labourers and any other jobs foreign workers are allowed to take.
They’re dispatched to the Middle East, Asia, Europe and North America.
For many years, Arcelie encouraged Unciano to apply to immigrate to Canada, but the dentist constantly declined, saying she’s happy with her profession in the Philippines.
Unciano said if she leaves and moves to another country, she might not be able to make a living with her chosen profession because international standards are normally different than in her home country.
Arcelie had been working abroad, first as a care-giver in Hong Kong before coming to Calgary, where she last worked as a scanning operator for West Canadian, a digital printing company.
Unciano said her sister felt bad about leaving her kids, but she was forced by her desire to give them a better future.
“It’s for my children’s future, their education,” was a refrain Unciano constantly heard from Arcelie.
“She regretted that she missed their growing years, but she was also looking forward to being reunited with them in Canada.
“She thought, she’d catch up then.
“But it’s not going to happen now.”
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Alvin admits he was deprived of his mom’s presence growing up and now he wants to get a hold of every picture there is of Arcelie.
Morbid as it was, he even requested to see a post-mortem photograph of his mom.
He said he badly wanted to see her face because it was shrouded with a thick veil during her funeral in the Philippines.
Now, he remembers his mom in every possible way, even through his Friendster account, a social networking website popular in the Philippines.
“You mean everything to me, Mama,” is the permanent tagline of his Friendster page, where he also keeps a slideshow of photos created by Arcelie’s friends.
“One day our tears will fade away, but our happy memories with you will forever remain in our hearts,” said the slideshow showcasing Arcelie’s happy times with a Filipino bible group in Calgary.
In January 2008, Calgarians woke up to the horrific news that a woman was found blood-soaked at the back of Grace Baptist Church in the 2000 block of Radcliffe Dr. S.E. near Memorial Dr.
It was Arcelie, whose roommates reported to cops she had been missing when she didn’t return home after leaving work at West Canadian, 901 10 Ave. S.W. at 10 p.m.
She was allegedly followed by her assailant to Franklin LRT station, where she was last seen alive recorded in a surveillance camera.
Women in the city feared boarding public transit at night following her death.
City politicians immediately called for the safety review of C-Train stations.
Days after she was found slain on Jan. 18, 2008, police charged Christopher Watcheston with first-degree murder and his trial is slated this fall.
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It’s not shocking when family of murder victims say they want the suspect to get convicted because of the profound loss they feel.
That’s exactly what Alvin wants.
He also wishes there was capital punishment in Canada.
“If it’s possible that he also die … I hope he dies, too,” said the young man, who was embarrassed to express those feelings.
He forced a smile, then looked away, as if he’d been cornered and said something horrible.
And with a pained look in his eyes, he said the alleged suspect’s crime was not only killing his mom.
“He almost took all our lives.”
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Arcelie’s tragic story is not all too unfamiliar to Filipinos, who see murder stories of overseas workers on local news at least once a year.
However, they don’t expect tragic death stories to come from Canada, which is why it has become a more favoured destination for Filipinos.
About three months before Arcelie’s death hit news in Manila, the murder of Jocelyn Dulnuan, a trained criminologist turned house maid, dominated local headlines.
Like Arcelie, Dulnuan, 27, was forced to leave her family and come to Canada to work as a maid to support her husband Sandy Kinnud and daughter Kristine Angelique, 4.
Dulnuan was found strangled after she was forcibly confined by two suspected home invaders of a Mississauga, Ont., mansion, said police.
Marlyn Hori, Arcelie’s sister, who now lives in Calgary, said it was shocking and was difficult to understand the senseless violence in a country they immigrated to in search of a better life.
“I thought Canada is a safe place,” she said.
But she also realized that her sister was probably at the wrong place and at the wrong time.
When strong emotions settled, Hori said she and her other siblings believe Calgary is a safe place to live, despite Arcelie’s tragic end.
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Around the time that Arcelie was murdered, her husband Gregorio Laoagan and five children were already awaiting for a notice from the Canadian Embassy in Manila to get their medical exams done as part of the immigration requirements, said Alvin.
Then, the tragedy struck and halted the process.
Recently, Hori has been working with Felix Guerrero, Filipino honorary consul general in Calgary, to reopen the file.
Gregorio and his eldest son are tentative about immigrating to Canada, but Alvin looks forward to seeing his mom’s dream fulfilled.
He doesn’t know what his other siblings want.
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The process might take years and in the meantime, the young man is continuing his education at the National University in Manila, studying civil engineering.
He said his mom wanted him to study electrical engineering, but he begged to let him take civil engineering instead. She agreed as long as he finished his studies.
“I want to finish school because that’s what my mom wanted for me.
“I also want to teach my siblings the good things my mother taught me.”
Alvin was hard pressed to itemize those values he learned from his mom because there are many.
“There are tons.
“Whatever positive attitude people see in me, my mom taught me that.”
Hori attests to the good qualities of her sister, saying of all her siblings Arcelie was the most intelligent.
“She was also a strong woman.
“She had a strong personality, a very strong woman,” said Hori as she teared up remembering the tragic death.
“You cannot easily convince her of (anything).”
When Arcelie got married and started her own family, she proved she could stand on her own feet.
“She isolated herself because she wanted to prove that she could do it without depending on her side of the family or her husband’s,” said Hori.
Traditionally, a Filipino family relies on help from relatives in rearing children, but Arcelie broke that mould, she added.
As a mom, Arcelie’s priorities were her five kids.
“They were first in her life like nobody else,” said Hori.
Alvin understands how selfless his mom was and he wants to be the same. He said he’s studying hard to succeed, a dream Arcelie will never witness.
“That’s all I want now. I’m not longing for something grand,” said the young man.
This June, Alvin will be in his third year in university.
He said he hopes his family’s immigration to Canada gets approved soon.
Although he’s only seen Calgary in pictures, the prospect of moving to Canada gives him something to look forward to.
“I just wanted to see where Mama lived … what kind of job she had … find out everything that’s connected to her.”
RENATO.GANDIA@SUNMEDIA.CA
